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Mental Health TreatmentRecovery ExercisesThree Ways You Can Make Peace With Your Psychotraumatizers - BlueSky Behavioral Health

April 12, 2022by BlueSky0

If you have not yet read the article, “ How to Identify and Assess The Psychotraumatizers in Your Life” we encourage you to do so prior to reading the following content. 

The psychotraumatizers (parents, caregivers, siblings, peers, teachers, etc.) who hurt you know what they did to you. Some will find the courage to admit their responsibility to you because they have improved the quality of their life enough to become strong enough to do so. Others will do so only when death is at their doorstep, and some will never admit to what they have done. 

At BlueSky Behavioral Health, we would be lying if we said it doesn’t matter whether or not those who hurt you admit what they have done. It does matter. Such an admission can help to heal the hurt that both parties feel. You have three basic options in this regard: you can wait, you can confront, or you can open the door. 

  1. Waiting is self-explanatory. You focus on yourself. Work your way through the Recovery Zone and hope that the people you want to acknowledge their responsibilities will do so. Waiting is, perhaps, the most sensible approach if you still live with or are dependent upon those who hurt you. Unless they are clearly ready to talk about the past, it is probably better to wait.
  2. Confronting requires timing and preparation. You cannot productively confront those who hurt you until you are much stronger and healthier. You need to be in the Free Zone before you set up a confrontation. Once there you need to plan your confrontation. 

If there are multiple people you wish to confront, select the person whom you believe to be most open to confrontation. You then need to write out the main points you would like to make. Avoid the use of provocative language. Your goal is mutual understanding and not revenge. For further guidance, review the assertiveness skills discussed in earlier articles. 

When you know what you want to say, plan a time and place for the encounter. If you are in therapy, you could ask the therapist to moderate the discussion. Make sure that it will be a private meeting free of eavesdroppers. Make sure you feel safe there as well. Be sure you discuss your plans with someone in your support system prior to your meeting. You will need to talk with that person after the confrontation as well. Expect the time to be emotionally draining. 

The last step is to invite the person to a meeting with you to discuss the things that happened in the past. Be prepared for a “no” response. If the individual is willing to sit down with you, follow your outline and try to avoid getting too angry or frustrated. Visualize the outcome you desire for several days prior to the meeting. Be ready for follow-up meetings. One counter is rarely sufficient. 

If the individual refuses to come and talk with you, consider seeking professional help and speak with a BlueSky Professional today. 

  1. Opening a Door involves the preparation of a letter or E-mail (don’t send a text) to send to those who psychotraumatized you. The goal of the letter is to explain how what they did (their actions) affected your life. The letter should not be angry in tone. It should not attack them personally. It should express your real feelings and describe how you are trying to recover from what happened. You can close the letter by asking for a constructive response, specifically a response without anger.  Emphasize that you seek healing, not blame or revenge. 

If they cannot handle their own emotions, ask them to ignore your letter. If they respond favorably, then the door is open for a face-to-face discussion. If they fail to reply, or respond with denial and anger, allow the situation to cool off for a while. Be sure to talk to someone in your support system about whatever type of response you receive. 

Regardless of how things turn out, acknowledge their responsibility, remember Samuel’s comment from the article written prior: For now, no longer is the hurt I feel from my parents going to dictate my life or my actions. 

Samuel’s story is a lesson and example for anyone who is in or out of the Borderline Zone. The biggest takeaway from his story is that he was able to overcome his past and create a new narrative for his current life. Even more importantly, Samuel did not venture on this journey alone, and neither should you. Take ownership of your life and use the knowledge and experience of our BlueSky team of health professionals, let us help you. 

You can live well! Start your journey to recovery with BlueSky Behavioral Health. Get the best mental health treatment by visiting https://blueskyrecovery.com or call (888) 822-7348.

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