Abused, Confused, and Out of Control: Entry into the Borderline Zone
The transition from a newborn infant to an out-of-control adult progresses over the course of many years. The failure to develop basic trust leads to an inability to enter into close relationships with others. When someone is unable to trust others, relationships are secretly used to fulfill desperate, unmet needs for belonging, love, and survival. Such people cannot give relationships in the same measure that they take. As a result, their relationships infrequently become unstable battlegrounds where misperceptions, self-defeating manipulations, broken promises, and resentment are briefly interrupted by seductive truces. Denied critical access to a supportive family environment, these children, now adolescents or adults, must learn to fight their own battles and have their needs met in any way possible. Regardless of their living situation, at home or on their own, twenty-four-hour survival becomes their primary goal. As they run from their traumatic past, they rob themselves of the opportunity to create a worthwhile future.
Can you imagine not having a home to go to after a long day? Or maybe you have a home but the immense tranquility brought forth from a space of support and comfort are nowhere to be found. As a child, all that one wants is a place of acceptance, love, and attention from one’s parents. To be encouraged by a proud father or mother and to be a part of a family that teaches them how to trust the love and support of others in an often challenging world. Consequently, in early childhood years if said needs are not met at home there is a high likelihood for self-defeating manipulation and low self-worth.
How can people who want to be liked by others abuse those whose acceptance they want until relationships with them are dismantled? This paradox puzzles those who must live out its curiosity logic: “I want to be accepted by you. I want you to like me. I don’t know what it feels like to be accepted and loved.” The impact neglect has amidst your formidable years as a child is often irrevocable or creates an immense challenge to overcome. A lack of trust does not mean you do not want to be loved, it merely means you don’t know how to love or be loved after years of abuse. One mistreated boy spoke, “Everyone that loved me hurt me. I don’t want to be hurt. I must survive somehow. No one can love me because I hate myself.” If you say you love me, you are lying to me so you can exploit me.” If today, any of the above-mentioned thoughts resonate with you, are you ready to say goodbye to your old childhood trauma. Allow our BlueSky team of behavioral health professionals to help disassemble your thoughts of confusion and mistrust that surround love and healthy relationships.